From The Pulpit - New Life Worship Center.

Submited By, Brother Ray Siddiqui, seated with him is Sister Nicole Miniard.

Who I am...for you who cares

     I am the type of person who can bear the tremendous sins of others on my own shoulders, but when my own convictions find me, they'll rip me to my core. I hate my flesh too much to let anyone bear it for me, because I feel as if its weight is way too much for ANYONE! Well, one day I heard that the same-old familiar God I'd always heard about was in the burden-carrying business. I knew that by that time, I was about to break. I had to put my burdens onto God because I couldn't bear what I was carrying.

     I feel like if you ask me to give a little of what I carry to you, then you're presenting yourself as someone whose shoulders are a lot broader than my own...and the only one I've ever known to be able to carry my flesh's weight is Jesus Christ himself. I'm sorry, but I've been trained by my life to not put my faith in other people, but only God. I feel like if you were me, you'd want to off yourself and end it. I HAVE to know that you can really carry all of my weight, and God's the only one I've yet met that can hold me up by my roots. I'm sorry if I won't let you in, please don't push me away because of it, and please don't feel like I'm pushing you away...It's just that I care too much for you to let you suffer my pain.

     I am ever-thankful that God's willing to even acknowledge my very existence. I feel so low sometimes and I can't get my eyes off of how much work it must take to care for someone like me as much as he does. Out of a crowd, he chooses me; everyday, he chooses me; when someone needs help, he chooses me; when he needs a willing vessel, he chooses ME! I'm in tears now as I write this...because I would've never even dreamed of God using me. I can almost never understand why God would use me as I am, I'm just SOOOO thankful that he does. I feel so wanted by the most important being there ever was. He wants me to live more than I want to, and that means the world to me.

     So, in conclusion, you have to be like him. You have to know everything about me and more and still love my secret self more than I hate it.

----------------------------------------------------------

†The reason for the front wall of your outer ear was to obstruct the flow of tears rolling down your cheeks when you are on your back trying to sleep but all you can think about is how fast the world is moving on with life while your standing still only watching it go by because God only cared enough to create you as a cluster of very handicap pieces of human parts, but as you lie there and cry, that's when you notice the flow of your tears, and you realize that God really did care, and he cared enough to know that you would feel so devastatingly low to the point of lying on your back letting tears flow into your ears as you cry in your shame...SO HE BUILT A DAM.†